Being Loved

2008-03-26T04:30:00.000-07:00

not in good mood these days...olso dunno why...sian sian de...i fa pi qi at darling todae...sorry darling...our relationship is always going up n down...no matter it is ur fault or mine...i really do love u...u promised mi to go school regulary...but these few weeks...dunno is u too tired or wad...u didn't do it...u put a tattoo on ur leg...i was upset abt it....but suan le...put le jiu put le ba....lately...all ur goodnite sms look rather alike for everydae...it make mi feel uneasy...u knew i didn't like a tattoo but u put it anyway...it make mi feel uneasy... when we quarrel...i ask if u stil love mi...u said u dunno...i feel worst...til lately...u told mi...yes..u stil love mi...wo an xin le...
todae shawn look moody...and he went down to the court all alone...no one was at home except mi, him, maid n grandma...grandma sae she thinks tat shawn weird weird de...so i followed down to see if he is alright...i called u to tel u...but...u got angry...i dunno wad is wrong for mi to do tat...i'm having headache todae...plus i xing qing bu hao...so i called u back n spoke in a rude tone...i'm sorry...i hope u understand...alot of things is not going the rite way for mi...i've got no mood to joke...no mood to play...sorry lao gong...hope u understand...
the rest of things tat is not going on in my life...my so called fren....my work...my family...i really dunno wad i do wrong.....haiz.....
xing qing hen bu hao arrrhhhhh!!!!!!!

2008-01-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

today is my birthdae...its not happy birthdae...some unhappy things happen...so sad...seventeen le stil like tat...haiz...

i guess u forgot totally abt my birthdae...mayb u got ur own things to do...i dUn blame u...
thanks...to all who remember my birthdae...

seventeen le...grow up le...but my height...suan le ba...ha ha..anyway....tats me... ha ha...
was being called small mushroom/small mario todae...kim is the big one... ha ha...cos...we got the same hairstyle...lol....kim and qianting sang happy birthdae for mi...so touched...ha ha...ate kim gary olso...nice...the bake rice is nice...ha ha

oya...came home today...my kor kor bought mi a piglet keychain...so nice of him rite...h aha...thanks...

tats my birthdae...

muacks!!!

2007-12-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

forget it...nthing pay off...u are stil like tat....i gave up totally now...
i hav to work on new yr...wad can i do...i'm not the boss...who dUn wish to off on new yr n rest...
forget it...u are stil like tat...wouldn't put urself in my shoe de...i'm rite...u wouldn't change...
my aunt bring mi go facial todae...first tym i do facial...so pain la...til now stil a bit swollen...actually cannot even go out de...firstly i nid to wait for my face to heal...secondly its ugly...end up...i stil choose to go find u all...den u like tat....suan le la...i stay at hm btr....

2007-12-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

ya...i know i promise u alot of things but i broke my promise in the end...
ya...i said i wan to be wif u every moment...
but have u ever tot tis is not possible...
i didn't sae u can't go find ur frens...but who...i dun wan to see u get into trouble or get hurt..
i nid to go nian jing...its my responsibility...if i come out...the whole team wil be down bcos of mi...
wad can i do???...
u sae i onli listen to my mum but not u...
yes..i love u ...but she is my mum...without her... wil u hav mi?...
i feel tat u hav changed a lot...ya..i changed too...
if u stil think tat everything is my fault den i olso can't do anything...
if u wanna hate mi forever...i olso can't do anything...

2007-09-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

todae is a bad bad dae...although my two hamster got their new house...
i upset my darling...again...
everytym we quarrel i wil be the one shouting and blah blah blah...but everytime after i cool down...i realise...tats my darling...i didn't give him face at all by shouting at him and blah blah blah...i'm sorry dar...so i wil keep quiet as much as possible...but sometym i stil...
now i'll jus keep quiet and hope tat he wil forgive mi or at least dun be angry anymore....
dar...i love u forever and ever and ever...hope we wil become hamster the next life ...and we wil stay in tat little house of ours...jus u and mi...together forever...

2007-09-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

nothing to do...darling went to look for his brother...so i blog lo....
we have been quarelling for the past few days....now ok le......maybe we are wad ppl call huan xi yuan jia ba...wadever it is...i'm glad tat we are stil together...and as sweet as it use to be...i love u darling......i onli love Neo Jie Pin...my one and onli...love ya forever and ever and ever...everlasting love...Zhut!

2007-08-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

jus got home after seeing the doctor...so sian...took my med le...doctor says i'm stressed up and got bi dou yan...tats why i alwasy hav headache esp when it comes to serious stuff like studying and blah blah blah....he ask mi to relax and take things easy before i really breakdown...but how to...i've got less den 70 days to my o'level....how to relax...if i fail my Os...i'm gonna regret all my life...not jus becos i can't get a good job in the future or wad.... but i promise someone so dearly to mi tat i wil work hard and make sure my family got a good life ....i made this promise during his funeral...and i dun wan ppl to think tat i dun do well in my studies bcos i'm in a relationship..
and of cos wads going on in my head is not jus study study study...there are alot of other problems as well...

2007-08-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

think through alot of things during the mock exam jus now...as i walk back home and when i went down for my 3 rounds...
when i finished my 3 rounds...i came home...the tv was switched on and somethings caught my attention...in the show...the guy was saying to the gal...when someone brings u joy...he or she can bring u the same amount of pain...den the gal agreed and reply...becos the deeper u love...the more u hate...so...darling really care and loved mi....but hours ago...i walk off and told him tat i walk off bcos i feel like he hated mi...i'm sorry dar...
he was upset bcos lepoard can't change his spots...i promised him...but i broke the promise agn and agn...like wad i said b4...i was a gal who used to joke arnd wif gals...guys...whoever...but i noe i shouldn't now cause i'm attach...somehow subconsiously i went back to who i use to be...i hurt him...and yet i said he hated me...
whatever it is...its my fault...i disappointed him and broke his heart...i told him...til the dae i chgn...he can choose not to see mi...he told mi tat he didn't wan to see mi bcos he didn't wan to end up quarreling and scolding mi...so i hope tat the dae of [happily ever after] wil come soon...some ppl may ask...wads the point of being together when we quarrel agn and agn n agn... my answer is tat...the quarrel starts not bcos u wan to hurt tat person or u hate him/her...is bcos u care and u love...like wad the show said agn...for even if the joy is much much lesser den the pain...if u really love him/her...the joy wil wash away everything...
though we quarrel so much...i didn't regret o1 jan 2007...07.11am...i love u forever and ever and ever....never ending forever...zhut!!!...

2007-08-01T04:02:00.001-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2007-08-01T03:33:00.000-07:00

its our anniversary todae...we met up...i gave him the present and of cos received mine too...den he went off...i seriously miss him...yst...i was in my room the whole damn dae...and todae...after sch...rush hm...went downstair to pass him the present at 4.30pm...den i didn't go hm...i open up the present in puggol cc...all alone...i was so touched when i see the present...really veri sweet of him...he is a nice guy...but i'm not a nice girlfren...i didn't noe how to love him...
den after an hour...i went back home...change to my track shoe and went down again...i ran 3 rounds...came home..bath...now blogging and going into my room later....

darling...happy anniversary...hope u like the present...thanks for ur present...it really touched my heart...i love u and onli u...forever and ever and ever...missing u like crazy now....zhut!...take care...

2007-07-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

i'm at home now...goign back to sch at 4 again for my crt...
i told my darling alot of things yesterdae...i hurt him once again...i didn't regret telling him but instead regret wad i did...

one or two years back...i was a gal who go arnd joking wif ppl...take photos...tapping on ppl shoulder asking them to cheer up...blah blah blah...no matter gal or boy...those who dUn noe mi well sometym think i'm flirting arnd...those who noe mi well...they noe i'm not...but tat was one or two years ago...at tat tym i dUn hav a guy who loved so much by my side...i onli got my frens...but now tat i hav my darling...i noe...i should chgn becos i'm attach...i cannot be who i used to b becos this is basic respect for my darling...i'm trying hard to chgn...but somehow...the old crystal jus come back to haunt mi...but the good qualities tat i had didn't come...onli those rubbish came back...end up i hurt him...again...

putting tat a side...another thing is tat when i got a little agitated...the way i tOk become veri veri unbearable for the one who listen..esp at this point of time when i'm all stress up...all kinda rubbish jus come out....sometym i tried to make things rite but end up making it worse...i noe wad i wan to sae but somehow i duNNo how to express it the rite way...in this way my idea was brought upon in a wrong way making the matter worse...misunderstanding...

i apologised for the way i talk to him but the misundersatnding wasn't cleared...darling...i'm ok wif ur frens...those i dUn like...i told u long ago and aparently...u didn't like him as well...ur frens are there wif u be it having fun or at times of trouble...or at least they dUn mind to suffer wif u... they protected u when someone try to hurt u...tats why i didn't stop u when u are helping them bcos u are their fren...and i noe u wil help them no matter wad...tats why i feel secured being wif u...i noe no matter wad happen u wil b there...wad i was trying to sae yesterdae "bu yao pei ta men yi qi nao" means tat u shld considering helping urself and ur frens to work hard together...ya i agree tat ur sch teacher are bais and irritating...but u are chagning a sch soon rite...i hope u get wad i mean...at least u hav a bunch of frens who wil be there for u...
and ur badminton is good...maybe stil not at the level tat u can beat every single players on earth...but i believe if u work hard...u can do it...jia yOu! lao gong...

we have been quarrreling veri oftern...and ya...its bcos of my da xiao jie pi qi, my big mouth...and my stupid actions...of cos u have a hot temper as well...but i was the one who provoked u most of the time... i noe it is hard to have good temper if u hav a gal like mi...and i stil tel u to control ur temper...but the happy thing is tat...we quarrel but we are stil together...
i love u darling...forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....zhut!!!

2007-07-08T05:02:00.000-07:00

those who noe mi shld noe tat i wouldn't stay on com for long...i dUn even check my own blog or frienster...tat tym qurrel wif my darling i tot he deleted his blog...i didn't expect tat he chgn his url...tats why i didn't ask for his url...
since my bro isn't in the room using com now...i went to his blog and read all his posts again...i noe i m not doing good enuff...but err...i'm trying...i noe i always fa da xiao jie pi qi...i wil try to chgn...jus like wad my uncle said...both of us hav to chgn if we wanna be together...so ya...i promise i wil work hard...

year 2007...life become totally diff ...i m not doing well enuff for everything i do...be it studies...being a good gf...or being a good daughter....i jus dUn do well in anything...total failure this yr...

i'm alone in the hse now...start to think of alot of stupid things agn...ya...i'm a total failure...i am no longer the crystal tan tat walk every step of life with confident...i nid support but i think i dUn deserve it...

2007-06-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

今天早上雨下得好大好大. 这场倾盆大雨不禁让我想起以前下大雨时我们共用一把伞, 你紧紧地抱着我, 不会让雨水落在我身上, 自己却半身都湿了.
我不知道这次我们又会吵多久, 也许你不会想我也不想再管我, 也许吵着吵着感情真的会变淡但我仍然那么爱你, 想你.
现在你就坐在外面但又好象离我好远好远.

2007-06-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

i really duNNo wad i did to make u so angry...i am trying to find out...i really duNNo...u dUn wan sae i really duNNo...i onli can sit here making wild guesses every now and den...i really duNNo...i m stupid...i really am...after so long stil like tat...chance being given again and again...i upset u...i upset my mum...til my mum sae i MEI LIANG XIN todae...ya ya...i mei liang xin la k...i onli noe how to make the people who love mi disappointed and angry la k...and onli noe how to sae sorrie after tat la k...i m jus useless, stupid and mei liang xin la k...i dUn deserve any chance anymore...give up on mi ba everyone...i m HOPELESS!!!

2007-06-04T01:04:00.000-07:00

BLehx...todae so sian...darling came to my hse this morning den go malaysia le...coming back tonite...so sian...wanna ask ppl go out de but rain jus now den i go slp den now so late le...duN wan go out liao...so stUpid....sian sian sian...nthing to do jiu study a bit ba...i mean do hmwk...i m so afraid tat i dUn do well in my o level...think i didn't do well for my chinese...haiz...nvm...fail jiu retake lo...cannot go jc jiu go poly lo...cannot go poly jiu retake next yr lo...olso wUn die...jia yOu ba....!!!!

2007-05-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

another happy dae wif my darling...he bought a ring for mi at couple lab for our 5th months anniversary...LOL...actually wanna buy after one year or so...but todae nothing to do...den i sae for fun onli and he really buy...look nice ar...we gonna wear them tomolo...so sweet rite...ha ha...
thanks dar...i love u forever and ever...muacks!!!

2007-05-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

todae is a happy day...ha ha...slepp til 12 like tat den wake up lei...den erms...arnd 2 plus go meet my dar at cp lo...LOL...my turtle got yellow hair...gold hair?...wadever u call tat colour lo...ha ha...its nice...but frm far loOk like no hair...LOL...den meet our er zi...jill, sg, manfred, jun ming...and err...oya...chong ee...but hor later chong ee go pao D den the rest of us go watch spiddy 3 ...nice show...err...Ok la...a bit wan sleep...cos i not those kind of ppl who appreciate action movie...ha ha...after the movie we go makan den den...errr....the rest dosen't matter cos not i playing....i sit?...err...more like stand there disturbing my darLing cos nthing to do ma...so bored...ha ha...den he send mi home den go home le lor...reach home at 9 plus...ha ha...
wad a nice dae...i like it tis way...no quarrel...and wif my frens and most importantly u by my side...so nice...so sweet...ha ha...muacks!!!...and oya...todae everything olso my dar pay de....i nv spent any money...paisei ar darLing...

2007-05-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

只要你一离开我的视线我就会开始想你. 每天每刻都想着你, 爱着你.
因为你笑而笑, 因为你伤心而伤心. 你受伤, 我会心痛. 我要永远陪伴着你, 陪你渡过人生的每一个酸甜苦辣. 在你伤心时当你模掉眼泪的纸巾, 在你生气时当你的出气筒, 在你受伤时当你的万能药, 在你开心时陪你笑. 只要你不闲弃, 我会一辈子跟着你.

2007-05-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

yst after my last paper...i went home...bath den slack awhile den go out play badminton in sport hall with darling,sg,milfed,manfred,zhu ming and kenneth...i play awhile onli cos i feel veri sleepy so dUn feel like playing lo...den after tat pei darling go home...he go home bath...den i sae i hungry hor...he made bread for mi lei...so sweet rite...he sae he first tym make bread lei...ha ha...
den spent the rest of the dae at my hse watch tv...bLehx...
now i m at home...nthing to do...waiting for darling call mi...he wif his fren now...i olso duNNo whr are they so jus wait lo...

2007-05-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

blogging agn...now is really bad mood...
wad is wrong wif mi?...can anyone pls giv mi an answer...
why i m so useless?...i jus fail in wadever i do...everything...
i m not a good girlfren...i m not a good daughter...i m not a good sister...i m not a good fren...i m not a good student...just who the hell am i...live in tis world for wad fuck...might as well go die...i m only wasting oxygen and producing more carbon dioxide...and u noe wad is the stupiest and funni thing abt mi....i am too hump to kill myself...
so sian...can someone come and kill mi...i wil sign a contract wif u...jus tel the police is i wan u kill mi de....

[[ after being wif u for such a long tym...i stil dUn understand u...how useless i m...dUn understand jiu suan le...stil everytym upset u and hurt u...i m jus a total failure in life...
maybe u think wad i sae todae are jus craps...but i am veri sure...they come frm the bottom of my heart...
i love u...no one can replace u in mi...
i dUn wanna let u go...and i dUn wanna noe wad i wil be like without u by my side....
but...i jus wan u to be happy...this is the onli thing i hope and pray for...
i promise to stay wif u forever...and i wil...u are the first and last man tat i wil make this promise to...love u forever and ever darling...]]

2007-05-10T04:00:00.000-07:00

so sian...todae i so sian...ppl who noe mi well enuff, i onli blog when i am in super good or bad mood....
but erms...todae not bad mood la...jus sian lo...cos exam exam exam...and think i'm going to fail all of them again...den see my darling...everyday look so tired...haiz...XIN TONG LEI...
todae after sch darling and his frens came outside school w8 for mi...den jill olso tag along....later er zhi join us in CP... den eat le...blah blah blah....den er zhi and jill went home...den left mi, darling and his two frens...i dUnno the two of them so i m kinda out and kept my mouth shut for the whole dae... err...its ok but jus feel a bit weird weird lo...keep quiet for so long...veri not mi...ha ha...den at 3 plus...they sent mi home and went to work cos their exam end le...so good la...came home bath and slept til now...like shit...haven't study...nvm there is always nite time...err...so tomolo i wil b sleepy again but its ok...tomolo is fri...can take a break...
lastly...darling...sleep more....rest more k...no matter u wan sae mi auntie, fat or wadever...jus take good care of urself...cos see u like tat make mi veri sian...muacks!!!...love u 1314...oya tat dae 1314 is 4d de first prize...LOL...

2007-05-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

1 may 2007...4 mths le...wad i wanna sae is...
darling...i noe i m veri naggy and fan...
i noe i m close to guys...
i noe i m childish at times...
i m sorry for who i m...
thanks for tolerating mi...
i m veri happy being wif u...
thanks for bringing mi laughter and cheering mi up when i m down...
thanks for being by my side when i nid u...
thanks dar...
i love u...and onli u....forever...

2007-04-24T05:10:00.000-07:00

sian...got back my physics and e math test paper todae...and as usual for physics i failed...as for e math...jus pass...can anyone tel mi wads the fUcking use of studying and praticing the questions
...grrr...not in good mood todae...and the pig tat i use to vent my anger torn few weeks ago...so the onli way out is to bla out everyting in my blog though i think no one will bother to read nd give a fUcking care...

[tats not the reason for wadever nonsense tat happen todae...love u loadds...forever...]

2007-04-23T05:17:00.000-07:00

was down wif flu...got MC for todae...around 3pm like tat went to find my darling den go to sg hse...he study his bio and i study my chem...and of cos...we did slack...for wadever reason...i was down wif fever again...so dar dar hug mi to sleep...so sweet...i love u dar....